I’m turning 37 tomorrow – 37! God I don’t feel it…but sure enough it’s here and I am ready for it.
With each new year comes the opportunity for new perspectives and improvement, especially when you’re born close to the beginning of the year.My resolution for 2017 was quality over quantity – to have fewer people in my life but make them people who counted. That was easier said than done because when you’re in a new city and meeting people for the first time, it takes a while to get a sense of who they are.
But I did make progress in terms of weeding out negative influences, sometimes a tad later than I should but better late than never.
2017 was a tough year. Professionally I had huge learning curves, and having a work-life balance was a massive struggle. We had one cancelled wedding, one knee replacement surgery, one concussion and the demise of a close colleague all in the second half of the year.
I struggled with depression at times, anxiety at others, and sometimes everything was even.
Of course there were some good moments: getting selected, along with my father, to have my first fiction published in print, and for a very special project. I discovered Instagram poetry, and found a really great yoga studio and set of teachers. I re-cemented friendships that had previously been on thin ice and today they are stronger than ever. I finished the long drawn out process of doing up an unfurnished apartment. I did adult things like investments. Not all was bad.
If I had one resolution for 2018 it would be boundaries. I have a history of not enforcing them enough, and while I love the warmth and love that being in India gives me, often times people get under my skin and in my personal space.
I have a history of tolerating way too much disrespect. At the risk of sounding indulgent, or self-centred, which those who know me will understand that I’m not, I do not want to put up with games or things that put me in a compromising position, due to someone else’s selfishness or arrogance.
Whenever I relate these past incidents to people later they usually ask me why I let it go on. And truly they are right – the fact that I allow something makes me equally guilty.
An incident happened this morning, the details of which I will not get into. The point is I had two choices – accept something I was not okay with to be polite and not be demanding, or put my foot down and say that it was not acceptable to me.
The issue in question was respect for my time, which like everyone else, is limited and already bursting at the seams.
To my absolute delight I was able to stand up for myself and not feel guilty about it. This is something I’ve struggled with my entire life, and today, at almost 37, in a single instance I was able to conquer it.
One small step, but I feel like this represents a major shift for me.
If we talk about birthday presents (including the viral I feel coming on, and the jumble of cancelled and rescheduled plans), there is no better gift that the universe could have given me. And that, has already made this a special year.